The Med Scientist

We had the first part of our APMC games this past Saturday. That same day, I also found out that three of my batchmates from St Luke's died in a fire, one other batchmate survived, suffering from full thickness burns. These were my groupmates when before I transferred to my present school. The first time I heard the news, I didn't understand it yet, until Lala further explained that only Migs survived. Cecille, Jen, and Jessa were gone.

When I was back in St Luke's I didn't try getting to know them, although they were my groupmates in a few subjects. When I had my third year Medicine subject, they were the ones who texted me to inform me where the group was meeting. When I had my nervous breakdown, they were the ones there to watch. I resented Migs for a while, mainly because I knew he hated me. And for more than a year, I thought I was right in holding all my bitterness and anger.

Now I'm starting to realize that there probably is no such thing as righteous anger. Particularly if it pertains to the self. Sooner or later something happens, changing everything. Before I thought that I was the one being unjustly persecuted and left out--"Poor me.. Why is everyone treating me this way.. I don't deserve this.. etc." Now I'm realizing I'm the one who was wrong. I was the one who drew back. I was the one who should have reached out.

All of us have an obligation to take care of the people God has given us. We do this through different things. Parents provide for their children, children obey their parents, siblings defend each other, friends encourage each other and on and on. I guess one thing we leave out is that we also have to take care of the "other people" in our lives. We probably have our own share of enemies, and people we just don't care to know. Ideally, we should make peace with our enemies. But it seems that more often than not, we just quietly hold all our anger in, pretend everything is ok, while we let everything we feel slowly simmer, occasionally letting some of the steam out through insults, accidents (as in "oops, I 'accidentally' stepped on your foot" etc.), and words that hurt. We pass other people by without so much as a smile. We just pretend they're not there since we don't know them. We don't stop for anyone because our time is precious, and there are just a lot of other stuff to do.

Now I realize that even towards these people, we are responsible. We are responsible for letting our enemies know why we are angry at them and why we hate them. We are responsible for hearing their side of the story. Granted, there are some enemies that we may never be able to make peace with, but we have an obligation for doing these two things. We are responsible for the people we can easily cast aside and forget. We have an obligation to acknowledge their presence and respect them.

I want to do all these things with God's help. I want to be a good daughter and sister and friend. I want to face up to my enemies. I want to have the confidence that when the time comes that me and my colleagues are caught in a fire, I can guide them through and all of us can get out. I want to be able to take care of the people He has given me.

To anyone reading this, please continue to pray for the families of Cecille Quintos, Jerilie Murillo, and Jessa Perez. Pray for Miguel Ramos to pull through. These were classmates who would have made excellent doctors. Migs can still become one. Cecille was at the top of my batch, number one in the Chemistry boards, very demure. Jen was brave, having lived through the loss of both her father and mother, continuing her mother's business. Jessa was bold, always able to speak her mind, but always well-controlled. Migs is the quintessential leader, always on top of things, and someone that people would willingly listen to.

Eph 5:1-2
1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
     

John Mayer has finally done something I've been waiting for him to do for a very long time. He's gone back to music. Yehey!

In celebration, I'd like to take this time to share an excerpt from his blog:

"Undoing self-consciousness and bridging into creative consciousness has been and still is a very daunting process. There's nothing new about the template; guy puts everything he has into making music, music rewards guy with everything he has, guy forgets how to make music like he used to. But there is a way to use all that music has given me to dig even deeper than I have before. I'm glad that I've had as many years playing guitar under my belt as I did before I became successful, and I'm glad I have the resources to do whatever it takes to stay focused in that place I know so well.

It's easier to end the day early and go to dinner, but it gets nothing accomplished in the way of answering the question "and why are you taking up space here on Earth again?""

What I'd like to take away from that statement is this: We are always works in progress. Even if we're in the pinnacle of our successes as people, there is always a chance that you have to start over or improve. Sometimes you get lost and forget your purpose. Sometimes you just have to get back to where you started to rediscover that. That takes a lot of courage. Which is why, even through all the mistakes and the forgotten music, and the narcissistic lyrics, and the failed love lives, John Mayer is still my sort-of hero.

Here are a few things that I found very strange this week.

Monday--Hematology professor once again locks us out of the classroom as she gives her lecture. Then she says the session will take the place of preceptorials. Question: Where is the logic in her grading us for something that she forcibly keeps us out of?

Tuesday--In the jeepney from Pantranco to Kalaw. Some strange kid keeps on staring at me. I stare back, he doesn't even flinch. Then he gets off the jeepney at the next stop. Weird.
Studying for Medicine.. I fall asleep on my brother's couch. Then I dream of being in some weird telenovela with basketball players and the muppets, and the last scene I remember in that dream is having two Oscar the Grouches. One was green, the other was red, and both of them were really angry. Or maybe the other grouch was actually Elmo in a trash can, and he's angry because he lost his nose...

Wednesday--Woke up at around 4 or 5 am. Got up to boil some water for taking a bath, and to make myself some sandwiches. I made myself two sandwiches to prepare myself to drink my metronidazole (Yes, I do have amoebiasis!), and two sandwiches to bring to school, which I also finished in the morning. Finished my Medicine exam around 4 pm. Got down at Tandang Sora around 5 pm.

Thursday--Dreamed I was in a universe that's pixelated. The last thing I remember was somebody talking something philosophical to me while we were walking through the middle of the ocean, with the waves and the water and the fish frozen in time. Sort of stuff that happens in The Matrix. I remember thinking I could seriously drown in there if the water goes unfrozen. Then I'm suddenly forcing myself to wake up while everything that i dream goes back in full motion.
I go through breakfast same as always, fixed myself two sandwiches for my metronidazole, and another three to take to school, which I once again finish before lunch. As I was walking to the gate that was going to take me to the highway, I remember asking myself why I didn't just stay in the dream and let myself drown.
Lately I've also been thinking a lot about what it would feel like if I just took a knife and stabbed myself with it. This evening, I noticed the stove was open and there was no fire. One part of me wanted to light a match and stick it in the stove immediately, the other (smarter) part of me told me to wait for the methane to dissipate first.
Anyway, I left school today at around 2:30 pm and got home at 5 pm. I want my two and a half hours back.

This movie was largely ineffective because of the casting (don't get me wrong, both are great actors as their past movies attest to..Hillary Swank can be very sweet and pretty and Gerard Butler looks like a great kisser..but in my opinion these guys cannot fit in a romantic comedy). The storyline was not unique--boy meets girl and after both have some happy years together..guy dies.

Despite its shortcomings and the stuff I don't really agree with, I really liked the movie. I liked the colors of Ireland meadows. It's reminiscent of my mom's pictures of the Scandinavian countryside, with the lilacs and the greens, and the deep blue sky.

It tells about a young widow coming to terms with the death of her husband, and dealing with the feeling of being alone. Loneliness is a very human emotion, and although as Christians we are always reminded that God is with us and we are not alone, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with admitting to yourself that you feel it. Christ felt it on the cross (although for a moment this was actually true for Him). The problem I guess comes from being scared of being alone and feeling lonely. That's what drives most of us into relationships that would only make us worse off,  that's what drives a lot of people to commit suicide, and in a way, I think that's what makes a lot of us scared of failures, because we are afraid of the possibility that people will leave us when we no longer have anything to give them. And so we jump into each relationship that comes along without thinking, we try our hardest to look like successes (regardless of whether that's a fact or an illusion), and when all else fails, we jump off the Brooklyn bridge.

I think it's okay to feel lonely. I don't think it's okay to be scared of it, but I don't think it's okay to wallow in self-pity because you feel that way either. Each of us have times that we feel this way; that doesn't mean that we'll always be that way. Life is a series of seasons.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.  

75 pesos para sa eat-all-you-can merienda. Katabi ng Puregold at Marikina Shoe Expo sa Aurora, Cubao.

Paano ako napadpad dito?

Actually, dati ko pa nadadaanan ito nung nag-aaral pa ako sa St Luke's..di ko lang nga masyado pinapansin kasi ito pa yung sukdulan ng germophobic days ko. Subalit meron akong nadaanang blog kamakailan lamang na nag-feature ng mga larawan ng pagkain dito at kaya naman ako naengganyo. (Galing ito sa blog ng The Theoretical Cook circa 2006. 70 pesos pa noon yung buffet niya.. Nagmahal ng 5 pesos..)

Ito yung arroz caldo:

Ito yung sapin-sapin:



Naisip ko rin, isang buwan at kalahati na lang ay balik-eskwela na ako ay wala pa akong nagagawa na kakaiba sa mahigit 5 buwan na pagiging taong-bahay ko, at matagal-tagal ko na rin ninanasang makapag-buffet ulit. At para sa isang nilalang na walang trabaho at walang mapagdedelihensyahan, kailangan din na swak sa budget ang plano...  Ito ang unang pagkakataon ko mag-buffet ng mag-isa. Masayang karanasan. I highly recommend it.

Kumain ako ng apat na lumpiang sariwa, dalawang mangkok ng sopas, isang mangkok ng arroz caldo na may tokwa't baboy, dalawang suman na may niyog at asukal na puti, dalawang ube halaya na may yema sa ibabaw, isang ube halaya na walang yema, dalawang nilupak, isang sapin-sapin, isang puto, isang kutsinta, isang pitsi-pitsi, isang moron, isang putong bukayo, isang suman sa lihiya, at isang maja blanca. Meron ding ukoy kaso hindi ko na pinatos kasi allergic ako sa seafood. Sayang lang at mukhang hindi na kasama ang bibingka at puto bumbong sa menu...Maganda ang mga silya sa loob. Gawa sa kahoy at rattan, at parang matatransport ka sa 1950s, kung kelan nag-umpisa ang restawrant na ito. Maganda rin ang serbisyo. Hindi ako hinayaang maubusan ng tubig ng waiter. Sa kasamaang palad ay hindi ko siya nabigyan ng tip dahil kailangan ko ng pamasahe pauwi. Para sa kanya at sa may-ari ng Nena's Bibingka ang blog na ito.